Dedicating yourself to the struggle for liberation is uncomfortable AND worth it

Ramadan Chronicles I: Abolish individual goals to make way for collectivist goals

If you asked my friends in graduate school or college or high school if they could see me as someone who would one day not care about a career or being exceptional in some way, they’d chuckle. I used to care a lot about being “successful” in academic medicine. I thought I had to be exceptional & “prove” my worth to this society. The reasons were heavily fear-based. I came from poverty so it’s understandable to some extent. Most of us need to participate in capitalist/ colonial systems in some way to feed ourselves (for now). But before, I never questioned how far into the empire I REALLY need to bury myself. How far into this rabbit hole do I really gotta go?

A family in Gaza breaking fast in front of the rubble that was once their home. By Ali Jadallah

I’ve spent a good chunk of my life chasing individual goals, climbing ladders, and exhausting myself to achieve arbitrary milestones. Beyond wanting to access basic survival resources, I also had some self-indulgent “dreams” of one day travelling the world for my own pleasure or buying some “finer”, bougie, non-essential things. I was socialized to think that “happiness” would one day come from me extracting more from the world. Ironically, such self-centeredness could only ever lead to more dissatisfaction & loneliness. The most important shift political awareness created in me is the desire to dismantle individual goals and replace them with collectivist goals. Rather than try to get my own needs met in isolation by following the rules & playing the empire’s game, I thought more deeply about what WE needed to live with dignity, which systems deprived us of that right and how I could serve the collective in a joint struggle for a better life for us all. As a homie recently wrote (post below), “I replaced my individual dreams with collective dreams.”

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Being in community, connecting with people, forced me to question everything. I saw us all struggling in some way, some bearing far more agony than others and I also felt fleeting moments of freedom. To truly experience the good things, I had to think less of myself & more about the collective and devote myself to the struggle. Connection made it harder & harder for me to be fixate on myself AND it saved me. It gave my life real purpose. Today, I can’t fathom building a life for myself that is severed from the greater collective. I don’t care about success or opulence but of course, I still struggle to let go of other things. It’s a constant process that is uncomfortable AND freeing. Everyday is about figuring out how I can dedicate more of myself to community rather than to these oppressive systems (i.e. via a job, career building, excessive consumption/ materialism etc).

March 10 was the first fast of Ramadan— a month of deliberate minimalism, relationship building, community service and introspection for practicing Muslims. It is a purposeful shift that can leave you transformed for the better. As with any religious or spiritual practice, it is what you make of it. To me and many who take a politicized approach to Ramadan, it is a month for intentional decolonization and centering. It’s a time we push ourselves to question what it is that we really NEED to survive and how we can better dedicate ourselves to community in service of the struggle for liberation. With each day of fasting, foregoing materialism & excess consumption, sitting with the associated discomfort & hunger, we break ourselves down, kill our egos as best possible, chip away at any illusions, to ultimately renew our vows to community.

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Even if you’re not Muslim, I think some version of this journey is worth taking. Not the precise “dos & donts” per say but the ritualistic pursuit of pushing yourself to identify the bare minimum resources that one needs for the self such that it expands the capacity of the collective. The intentional redirection of time, focus, energy, money & other material resources away from the self towards the collective. Can we dismantle individual dreams to make way for collective dreams? So this month, each piece will be part of the Ramadan chronicles— I’ll share reflections & realizations that I hope may contribute to your own version of this decolonizing journey.

1— Liberation is uncomfortable

I don’t think we talk enough about how uncomfortable the pursuit of liberation is. If we’re doing the right thing, it should feel great right? Well, not exactly. Parts of it will feel incredible in ways you have never felt before. Attempting to “live my best life” while the world is on fire is is not only impractical but dissociated from reality and thus, a recipe for eternal disappointment.