How to manage a personal crisis with political praxis: A real-time personal example (Part I)

Navigating societal shame of not "succeeding" under capitalism

This is an unplanned, unexpected newsletter that I decided to write this morning at 5 AM after a sleepless night. I’m trying to survive a crisis right now by applying political, anarchist, abolitionist, anti-capitalist values to my daily life which I thought was the “realest” way I could break down to you what political praxis even looks like in real-time. What does it mean to truly embody our social justice values on a day-to-day? What does it mean to cope with pain or distress through a political lens? How can you come up with tangible short term solutions to manage a personal issue by pulling from what we know about collectivism & by seeing yourself as part of an interconnected ecosystem?

I’m currently navigating feeling stuck and paralyzed by shame from the judgment I’ve received about my life trajectory in the last 2 years because it can be perceived as a “failure” by capitalist metrics. Even though I thought I worked thru a lot of this in my year in Chile (low ah the nonlinearity of life), its back full force as I return to the U.S., into the belly of academic medicine. It’s been a month since I started my clinical fellowship at Vanderbilt and this shame has been the most dominant, crushing boulder on my chest that’s made me realize I still conflate my worth with being “exceptional” in some way.

This 2 year fellowship is meant to serve as a space for accelerated learning on the job where I’m on call all the time and responsible for patient care while learning everything about diagnosis and management of infections caused by bacteria, viruses, parasites and fungi (fyi, infectious diseases/ micro is by far the most broad field which is both intimidating and badass). To do this- I need to retrace my steps back to the curiosity and dedication to community care that made me pursue this path to begin with and shed the remnants of internalized capitalism that I’m finding still hold a sh*t ton of power over me.

But first, some quick housekeeping!

1. Thank you to the kind souls that pay to support this newsletter & give to mutual aid efforts. To upgrade your plan and become a paid subscriber, follow these simple steps.

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   • Access the recordings & presentations from my Capitalism 101 and Trauma 101 group workshops

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Today’s newsletter will cover points 1-3 in the table of contents & Part II will cover points 4-6