i love that you named our alienation and loneliness and remind us that billions are with us— i literally cried. billions. i’m so tired of being in pretend community, I have to suppress my myself as to not invite the rage of propaganda and moralism and white supremacy. if i hear one more person say hamas did this to their people, i might collapse. walking among the living dead has been a tell. mental illness— madness has told on itself— it’s a weapon. the empire is sick and we are watching it eat itself. deadened just enough to be numb. it’s posts like this that bring me back to my body. i leave my head and the tears come. free palestine.
Thank you, Ayesha. It's necessary to remind ourselves, as you said in this post, that there are billions of us who stand with Palestine and who believe in liberation. This is a sacred space that exists on this planet; we are connected in this struggle for liberation, and this gives me the hope that I need today. Falastin WILL be free, Falastin is freeing us!!
Thank you so much for this, comrade. You have taught me so much over these last few years and inspired me to honor the pull on my soul to hope and love and rage for a better world. I am so grateful. Thank you for being a part of my journey to Self—one where there is no separating me from you, and one where the fight for collective liberation is the reason I’m here ❤️✊🏾
There's so much here, and I'll be taking these questions to protests today... throughout the week ahead...
*** "How has Palestine freed you in the last few months?" ***
The freedom to be in-process and not quite "get it" yet (likely evidenced by even this response). Even my own emotions. Allowing others around me to be in their own disoriented, dissolution process.
The freedom to let grief & rage + shame come in at any moment. To stop. Confused by the intensity - yet a clarity coming through.
The freedom to feel crumpled, then compelled by fear.
I couldn't journal this one liked I'm used to due to tearful interruptions. It all feels so personal or so structural (actually moving, actually disengaging, actually welcoming in...), but I know I'm not alone in excavating old, old values that somehow got shoved by the wayside - for survival, narcissistic identifications, false allegiances...
Childhood values. The instinctive orientation toward beauty & loyalty to authentic belonging.
But also those older ones - forgotten by (many of) our great great... grandparents.
Palestine has helped me grieve in a wider way, which includes the depths. Palestinians are freeing limiting beliefs around capaciousness + inspiring contribution that stems from right pace, right role, right next step... and righteous corrections. And, yes, confrontations (a lot of internal ones - uff)!
It's still difficult to put into words. I feel a bit like a big baby. So much has already been left behind, and much more is dissolving. So much is coming into view! Was it always there? Is it new?
Beauty frees, yet these waves of beauty glaringly highlight what is ugly, violent, and extractive... but mostly I'm thankful for the liberatory beauty of full, full humanity we are witnessing and pulled into participating in - within ourselves, and amongst+for one another.
Thank you, Dr. Khan. I'm rather overwhelmed by your writing. It's strange for breaking to feel so safe. So compelling. So imperative.
And thanks to everyone who commented. The feeling of aloneness in all this, dear Lord - let it be over for everybody. And yet - weren't way too many of us feeling alone before? UGH.
Also, as someone raised in the Christian tradition (though messianic/zionist - I fled as a youth)... I feel the power of Jesus everywhere, and his call to corrective action. I feel his love and his rage. I feel the redemption possible on the other side of martyrdom and the honesty that can erupt when we come to see the humanity & seek the wisdom of the scapegoat. When we hear their appeal and express proper reverence.
May we all be free. May Palestine be honored forever for that realized freedom.
I want to scream too Ayesha at the unjustness, the wilful suffering, the horror. Thank you for your powerful words here. For your prompts. Your love to us, for us. I watched each of the videos you shared and really allowed them to wash over me. Which is one example of the day-to-day life changes I've made that you invited collective reflection on. I didn't say "I don't have time to watch" or check my phone/email/whatever the whole time. I immersed in the words, the images, the courage, the resistance, the joy, the hope. This was a priority.
Truly the Palestinian resistance has inspired me every day. To learn, to further question myself and make moves. My relationships are more intentional and therefore connecting. Taking the time to be with humans and their needs, to push for our collective care and to really speak as I wish to (way less "polite smiles").
i love that you named our alienation and loneliness and remind us that billions are with us— i literally cried. billions. i’m so tired of being in pretend community, I have to suppress my myself as to not invite the rage of propaganda and moralism and white supremacy. if i hear one more person say hamas did this to their people, i might collapse. walking among the living dead has been a tell. mental illness— madness has told on itself— it’s a weapon. the empire is sick and we are watching it eat itself. deadened just enough to be numb. it’s posts like this that bring me back to my body. i leave my head and the tears come. free palestine.
"I do not write to get people in authority to notice me and give me a gold star. I do it for you."
I paused here, and this resonated loudly like a bell for some reason.
I sometimes think the best things we ever do are like this; things we do for someone we never know. They are somehow the most true.
So, as others have already commented, thank you for writing, for helping me to think and grow and feel less alone and insane in this terrifying world.
Thank you, Ayesha. It's necessary to remind ourselves, as you said in this post, that there are billions of us who stand with Palestine and who believe in liberation. This is a sacred space that exists on this planet; we are connected in this struggle for liberation, and this gives me the hope that I need today. Falastin WILL be free, Falastin is freeing us!!
Thank you so much for this, comrade. You have taught me so much over these last few years and inspired me to honor the pull on my soul to hope and love and rage for a better world. I am so grateful. Thank you for being a part of my journey to Self—one where there is no separating me from you, and one where the fight for collective liberation is the reason I’m here ❤️✊🏾
!!!! Wow. Every word. The spirit in this. Thank you.
Wow. There is so much here. I will need to read this a few times to truly digest it. Thank you for this beautiful piece.
There's so much here, and I'll be taking these questions to protests today... throughout the week ahead...
*** "How has Palestine freed you in the last few months?" ***
The freedom to be in-process and not quite "get it" yet (likely evidenced by even this response). Even my own emotions. Allowing others around me to be in their own disoriented, dissolution process.
The freedom to let grief & rage + shame come in at any moment. To stop. Confused by the intensity - yet a clarity coming through.
The freedom to feel crumpled, then compelled by fear.
I couldn't journal this one liked I'm used to due to tearful interruptions. It all feels so personal or so structural (actually moving, actually disengaging, actually welcoming in...), but I know I'm not alone in excavating old, old values that somehow got shoved by the wayside - for survival, narcissistic identifications, false allegiances...
Childhood values. The instinctive orientation toward beauty & loyalty to authentic belonging.
But also those older ones - forgotten by (many of) our great great... grandparents.
Palestine has helped me grieve in a wider way, which includes the depths. Palestinians are freeing limiting beliefs around capaciousness + inspiring contribution that stems from right pace, right role, right next step... and righteous corrections. And, yes, confrontations (a lot of internal ones - uff)!
It's still difficult to put into words. I feel a bit like a big baby. So much has already been left behind, and much more is dissolving. So much is coming into view! Was it always there? Is it new?
Beauty frees, yet these waves of beauty glaringly highlight what is ugly, violent, and extractive... but mostly I'm thankful for the liberatory beauty of full, full humanity we are witnessing and pulled into participating in - within ourselves, and amongst+for one another.
Thank you, Dr. Khan. I'm rather overwhelmed by your writing. It's strange for breaking to feel so safe. So compelling. So imperative.
And thanks to everyone who commented. The feeling of aloneness in all this, dear Lord - let it be over for everybody. And yet - weren't way too many of us feeling alone before? UGH.
Also, as someone raised in the Christian tradition (though messianic/zionist - I fled as a youth)... I feel the power of Jesus everywhere, and his call to corrective action. I feel his love and his rage. I feel the redemption possible on the other side of martyrdom and the honesty that can erupt when we come to see the humanity & seek the wisdom of the scapegoat. When we hear their appeal and express proper reverence.
May we all be free. May Palestine be honored forever for that realized freedom.
Hamas can surrender and release the hostages at any time.
this was so beautiful. thankyou for your mind & words
I want to scream too Ayesha at the unjustness, the wilful suffering, the horror. Thank you for your powerful words here. For your prompts. Your love to us, for us. I watched each of the videos you shared and really allowed them to wash over me. Which is one example of the day-to-day life changes I've made that you invited collective reflection on. I didn't say "I don't have time to watch" or check my phone/email/whatever the whole time. I immersed in the words, the images, the courage, the resistance, the joy, the hope. This was a priority.
Truly the Palestinian resistance has inspired me every day. To learn, to further question myself and make moves. My relationships are more intentional and therefore connecting. Taking the time to be with humans and their needs, to push for our collective care and to really speak as I wish to (way less "polite smiles").
thank you so much for this 🇵🇸
“La vida no vale nada
si no es para perecer,
que otros puedan tener
lo que uno disfruta y ama.”
- Pablo Milanes
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kMD870F04Lo